Different Faces

I believe we all have different faces or masks to show to different people.

The first mask, we show to the world. This is where everything looks good on the outside. We pretend that our insecurities doesn't exist, that we aren't flawed.

And second face or mask, we show to our close friends and our family. We let those close to us see a little of ourselves. We show them when we get hurt. We let them in a little. We show them a glimpse of who we truly are. But only a glimpse. Because we're still afraid to show them who we really are.

Whilst the third mask, we never show to anyone.

This is the mask that is truly vulnerable. We even sometimes don't show it to ourselves. We lock it up and we pretend it doesn't exist. This is where are all the pain and sorrows are hidden. We are so scared to let people in and see how vulnerable we are. How sometimes our insecurities can cripple us. This one cross we bear alone. We don't share it to anyone, no matter how we love that person and no matter how much they mean to us.

Breaking Away

Sometimes we feel like we just have to get away from everything. It's not because you stop caring but because you're starting to care too much. 

It came to a point that's its no longer a healthy relationship. One would easily get mad and start to lashed out to the other person. And you can't tell him it's because of how you really feel. 

Little things would set you off. You get angry and bitter while he stay oblivious to what's happening. 

You start to confuse him. And it came to a point that its driving a wedge between the two of you. And still you can't tell him why. 

Then you start to feel guilty. And it's starts to eat you up. Others are getting affected in how you treat each other.

And still he has no clue on what going on. All he knows is you get mad at him for no reason. And it's totally unfair to him. 

So will a break from each other will solve the issue? Or will it make the distance permanent? 

We can only hope that everything will go back to how it use to be.

Another Year...

Well its been another year and what a year that was. Looking back on this exact date, I can honestly say I prefer this year. Last year was so stressful for me. Not just with my work but as well as with my personal life. I was in a state of confusion then. Having mixed emotions. Well this year there were less drama, and what makes this birthday very different from last year? Well this was my first birthday that I've celebrated with my family after over a decade of being estranged with them. And it felt good. It also made me realize that I would never again jeopardize my relationship with my family over a man. I dont want to go through that again. Its kind of bittersweet because it took me this long to realize it. I love the new found closeness that me and my mom have, I wouldn't exchange that for the world.

My Ephiphany

Yeah it took me a while but I think it finally sank in. I finally get it. Its bittersweet but one must accept things. And i promised myself I'm not going to make the same mistake I did before. I no longer believe in "Closure". If the other person just seem to not care. Then I'll leave it at that. I've learned my lesson.

Acceptance

Knowing what will happen is not enough to prepare oneself for it. I admit I was hurt and disappointed. I still cant figure out what happened between us. From being so close that we basically know what each others thought to not talking at all. And it just happened in a snap of a finger. Obviously our friendship doesnt mean anything to you. I have done everything I can to repair the friendship but its you who keeps pushing me away. I dont even know what I have done to merit such treatment from you. But one thing for sure, I am not gonna keep on chasing you. You were the one who ended the friendship. I am fine with that. In time I will be able to forget you totally. Its a slow process but I just need is time.

Farewell?

I've been fooling myself too long. I know I should stop. I thought you value our friendship the same as I've always valued it. I guess I was wrong. I have expected too much from you. I really don't how to go from here. But one thing for certain I have to let go and move on.

Thank you. I wish you well.

I miss you...

I wonder if it will be the way it was.

I may smile and laugh but when you told me bluntly how you feel. It was lie a knife stabbing me. Never would have I thought it would come to this.

I miss you… I miss you a lot… I miss our laughter, our time together and most especially I miss your friendship…

I cant say if you were teasing when I asked you jokingly if you have missed me and you flat-out answered “NO”

I still cant wrapped my head around it

I totally lost you…haven’t I?