Looking forward to the coming year....

Another year had gone by, and what a year it was. It’s one roller coaster ride for me. 2011 started out great, and towards the 2nd quarter of the year it was going downhill. But I was able to maintain some level of sanity all throughout. What I like about 2011 is I’ve made some new friends, got a job I love (almost no pressure at all \m/) and I have a stronger bond with my family. 2011 is more like a self discovery for me, admitting my greatest flaws and working on it.

I can now say I know “Myself” better. I have discovered as well my love for writing. Started my blog, though I am not always able to post on it, still it’s something I never thought I would be able to do.

I’ve had disappointments as well, but hey that’s part of life.

A dear friend of mine had pass on this year. I guess that’s the saddest part of 2011 for me. Knowing that I would never get the chance to see or hear his voice again. I sure miss him.

With his passing, I’ve learned that Life is too precious, and that we shouldn’t procrastinate, because in a snap of a finger a love one can be lost. Life is too precious for regret. Treat each day as your last. Time is too valuable to waste. If you want to do something, just do it. If you like someone tell them, what’s the worst that can happen? You get turn down, so what? Just charge it to experience. Move on, do not dwell on it.

The best part of the year 2011 for me as well is having my bestfriend back. Not many people know that we had a falling out. But we were able to patch things up and things are better than before. We picked up where we left off. I guess that’s the great thing about bestfriends, that no matter what, we will always be there for each other.

And so I end 2011 with so much hope for 2012. I can’t wait to start the NEW YEAR!

Incidentally what is Happiness?

How can one truly say that they are happy? What makes a person happy? When you search the internet you will see different version of what people think what Happiness should be. Some would say happiness is the journey and not the destination. Some would say happiness is the absence of striving for happiness. Then there would be others who would say happiness is deciding to look beyond the imperfection. But with all of these, it still doesn’t answer my question.

If these are what it takes to make people happy then why am I not Happy? If you count all my Blessing, you would say I should be happy because I am way luckier that other people. I have a nice paying job, I don’t work at night anymore, meaning I sleep at night like normal people do. I have lots of friends who love me and understand my moods. I am closer to my mom. I have a beautiful daughter. I can buy things that other people cannot afford. I have a house, so I don’t have to pay rent. I can eat whatever I want and whenever I want. I am pretty enough, intelligent enough, though I weigh more that I should.

So why am I not Happy? What would it take for me to be Happy? Will more money brings me Happiness? A car? Lovelife? But then why should my Happiness depend on another person?

One thing I am certain, something is missing in my Life. And I don’t know what is.

And I know its only God who can answer my question.

when god made you

Looking forward....

It just hit me, that there is only less than two months before the year ends. I started 2011 with full of Hopes and very much anticipating for something good to happen… Though I started the year without a job but I was still looking forward to it. You ask why? Well, maybe because I am no longer stressed out like I used to. And my relationship with my mother has greatly improved. Would you believe that most of my life I never heard my mom says “I Love You” to me? Hard to imagine huh? Well, we were never close, as I was brought up by my grandparents.

I’m what you can call a “grandfather’s pet” and proud of it. If you check my birth certificate you will see that it’s my grandparents who are listed as my adoptive parents. I grew up with them, I was spoiled rotten. There was never a time I wasn’t able to get what I want. I’m what you can call a “BRAT” and I loved it.

But when my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer, that’s when I realized their value. Don’t get me wrong I have always loved my grandparents, but I always took it for granted that they would always be there for me. The thought of loosing them has never entered my mind.

But reality has a way of biting you in the ass when you least expect it. For the first time I started feeling helpless. After 8 months of battling cancer my grandfather lost the fight. I can still clearly remember what happened. We brought “Lolo” (it means grandfather in Filipino) to the emergency room as we feared something bad had happened. When we got there, we were told by the doctors that he had a cardiac arrest sometime at night and that his aneurism had exploded. After more than an hour of trying to revive him, the doctor informed us that he was already brain dead. It was left to me to inform everyone in the family about “Lolo’s” condition. I first called my mom, then my uncle. Then accompanied my “Lolo” to the morgue…. That’s when it HIT me….He is gone…My dear Lolo is gone...He was my strength… my conscience…. and my will… For the first time in my Life I feel lost…. I am unsure of my Future….

After that everything seems to go downhill… Like I am a top that is loosing control…I just keep spinning and spinning without any direction in mind…

But with all things that had happened, I learned how to stand on my own two feet. I learned how to be an adult. For the first time in my life I got a job. I mean a real job and I became worried about our financial status. I used to not care about such things. But then I was force to grow up. I had to remind myself that I have a daughter to raise. At the same time I felt cheated because I haven’t had enough fun as a young adult.

I was still lucky compared to other people, I have my mom to fall back on. No matter how many times I fell my mom was always there to assist me. She was just there in case I needed her. She was just watching on the side-line, making sure I can do it on my own.

Right now, I have no idea what the New Year will bring. Will it be better than this year? I pray to God it is. This year wasn’t so bad. It’s more on self discoveries for me. I had learned a lot about myself. I was faced with some circumstances that had made me into a better person. I came face to face with myself. And looking at my reflection, I can say I like this new ME. I know more about my strength and my weaknesses. I have a better understanding about who I AM and what I can do. With every mistake made I learned something from it. Though some mistakes tend to take longer to sink in, but I am getting there.

I am happier. I have new goals in my Life, though I am still asking God if that is where I am supposed to be.

I will be facing this New Year head-on… I am excited and at the same time a little scared of the unknown. I’ve always hated surprises… but I know Life isn’t like a book or a movie that I can turn the pages or skip some scenes to find out what will happen in the end. I have to bear it out like everyone else…

So I say…BRING IT ON…. ^_^

Just breathe….

What is wrong with me? I thought I was over this. But how come I am still so affected. Is this just my ego reacting? Or is this more than that? I hate this relapse, I seem to have one in a while. I wish memories are like computer hard drives wherein I can do a reformat. Delete everything that would remind me of Him. I saw this one episode on House MD, wherein the guy was so in-love with this woman but the woman was in-love with the guy’s brother, and every time the guy would see the woman he would have a heart attack. He was literally dying of a broken heart. So what he did was he had an operation to totally remove the woman from his memories, but the downside is he won’t be able to remember a lot of things that had happened to his life. But it was something he was willing to risk.

What pisses me off what, there I was minding my own business. I was happy being single. Happy with the way things are happening on both my personal life and career. When suddenly he came in to my life. He started being sweet on me, started flirting. He made me fall in love with him. But he doesn’t feel the same way. I guess I was just a diversion for him. As someone take his mind off the pain he was feeling, the loneliness. 

I should be over Him as it been months. But for some reason there is still some left over feeling that had stayed buried and now they are trying to resurface.

A friend of mine said to me, reason why I am being affected like this was because I still feel something for him and I am trying to fool myself in believing I was over him. I guess he was right. I need to accept the fact that it’s not just my ego that has been bruised with the ordeal, and why I am like this, but it’s because I still feel something for him.

Right now I have to figure out on how I can totally forget…I wish it was that easy…but for me, getting over someone is not a easy feet. I always struggle. And right now I am at war with myself…in this war I have to be the one that comes out as the winner.

Retreat for now so I can regroup…..and soon….We will know….this has to end soon…

Life’s Irony…

Sometimes I can’t help but wonder about the irony of Life. One minute you’re so close and the next you barely talking to each other.After the hi and the hellos, suddenly you don't know what else to talk about. While just months before you never ran out of things to say to each other. 

Its funny how in a snap of a finger one would become strangers to one another. You never expected that when you started your "friendship" that it would come to this. I find it sad really. Its like even the friendship no longer exist. There are a lot of awkwardness between the two of you. But you don't know how to bridge the gap. Maybe its there for a reason. But for now we can only guess, but never assume. 

You would wonder if it would ever go back to what it was before. But you would then ask yourself, what was there before? Was it really friendship? Or is it the result of loneliness. You can only answer half of the question as you would never know what's on the other person's mind. 

Is it better this way? What was the main purpose for your path to crossed? Who gained? And who lost? Or is it one of Life's unanswered question.

But whatever it was...only time can tell....

Pretense

It came to me on how many of us here keep a pretense. People tend to build an image of what they want others to see or perceive them. They make up stories about their lives. Make them into something that they are not. That’s what I cannot understand, because I am a kind of what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of girl. I don’t believe in making up stories just for other people to like me. I mean yeah, you would get disappointed on how others treat you. But at least I am being true to myself. And I don’t have to keep on remembering about stories I told. Right now you are enjoying the benefit of your lies, you made yourself look good to other, then what? And what happens if people find out the truth? Wouldn’t that be more embarrassing? Is the 15 minutes of fame worth a lifetime of shame? For me it isn’t. So what if they cannot accept you for who you are. So what, it just means they aren’t worth your time and energy.

One should love unconditionally. Love shouldn’t be a passing-fancy. When you love someone, you make a decision right there and then to love the person no matter what. You love them despite of not inspite of.

One thing I’ve noticed as well in the relationships around me is that, people doesn’t take the time to work out their differences. Some, as soon as they encountered a road-block they bail out on their partners. They don’t bother working out their problems. I highly disagree with that. A Relationship is a work in progress. If you notice the flame is dying, then you find ways to rekindle that so called flame. But what I notice is people are just content in moving on to the next. This is sad, and there is no assurance that the same thing will not happen again.

That is why for me it is very important that there shouldn’t be any pretentions. Show people who you really are. If they like you, that’s nice, but if they don’t, then it’s their lost not yours. At least you were true to yourself. You didn’t need to pretend...

Letting you go....

I have to stop this, because I have realized my anger is taking hold of me. It’s consuming me every waking hour. And you are not worth this aggravation. I am way better than this, but you know what you have thought me a lot. Now I am better at controlling my emotions. And because of you I’ve learn when to say enough. As one of my friend has told me, every mistake I’ve made in my life there will always be something that I have learned from it. With you, I’ve learned to put my feelings and thoughts in writing. I’ve learn how to appreciate myself more. And most important of all is I have learned to control my emotions.

I have learned long time ago that we could never be, its just my ego wont accept it. But now, my heart and my mind are in harmony. I may not have forgiven you yet, but I have forgiven myself for being foolish. Don’t you worry, time will come that I will be able to forgive you as well. For now I don’t think we could be friends.

I still don’t understand you, I doubt if you even understood yourself. I wish you luck on that, I really do.

And this will be my last entry on my blog about you…

More confuse than ever...

I’m once again having mixed emotions. I thought I was way over him. But how come I am affected of what’s happening. I don’t understand any of these. He’s making it like I’ve done something grave. I though it women who are hard to understand? So how come I can’t understand him. I don’t know what he is after. Saving his ego perchance? Making himself look good? I really don’t know. He turned me down, no naturally I tried to move on, tried overcoming my feeling for him. But that’s not how he sees it. Since I am being honest with myself, yes I am so hurt, I am so affected with what’s going on right now.

I don’t understand why some people would make the other person look bad just so they can look good. I didn’t do anything to deserve to be portrayed as a psycho or an obsessed woman. Yes I ranted and raved on my wall, but it’s my wall, I can do whatever I want to do with it, post anything I want to post. I did it because I didn’t know how to express my feelings, I was so badly hurt that time. I felt like I was used. Everything was happening so fast. We used to talk everyday, every single day. You always let me know of your plans even without me asking you. As soon as you come home from work you go online and message me. Even when you’re at work you would take time to say hi. Not only that, even when you didn’t have access to Facebook or gtalk because you were out of town, you would take the time to say hi. But then all of the sudden you stopped. And your excuse was, you were so busy. But I know that there is more to that. I can feel it, there is something going that you were not telling me. Yes, I know we don’t have a relationship. I would be a hypocrite to say if I wasn’t hoping. But I understand your situation as well, that is why I wasn’t pressuring you or even bringing up the situation that we were in.

What’s left for me after that? Nothing except try to move on. I tried to enjoy my time with friends. I try not to think too much that you rejected me. I try to find joy in every little thing around me. Even corny jokes on Facebook and twitter. And not all of those are about you. Yes I admit some of them are about my feelings for you. But most of them are for my friends, and whatever they are going through at the moment.

Don’t take it against me when I didn’t respond to your messages like I would normally do. It was because I was trying to distance myself from you. I didn’t want to fall further. It took a lot of thinking on my end when I sent you that message to say that I almost fell for you. Actually that aint true, I already fell for you.

I don’t normally do that, tell the person how I feel. But I had to do it as its eating me up. I don’t want to keep on wondering. With that, admitting to you how I felt, it helped me a lot, it had somehow set me free. I no longer had to wonder where I stood. You flat out told me that we could never be. I accepted that. And moved on, I just charge it to experience.

I thought after that everything would be better. But it didn’t, you just confused me more…. When will this end? Its like we have a silent battle between us…

Sigh…

Maybe someday… I don’t know…. Anything can happen… I wish you well…

Just do it

My new motto for my life is JUST DO IT!!!

Just do whatever it is I need to do! What I need to do is JUST DO IT!!!! Being angry with myself doesn’t change ANYTHING unless I make it work for me instead of against me!!!!

To me 'Just Do it!" reminds me to JUST DO IT! Dont think... just do it, whatever the 'it' might be!

I want this to become an automatic thought in my head by hearing it all the time.

It needs to be the automatic response that speaks to me when I have an objection in my mind to something that I should just do.

I should get out and exercise, I should drink water, I should eat healthy, I should have good boundaries, I should respect myself….

These are all things that I do but I don’t do them consistently enough and that is what I need consistency!

I am going to be saying this to myself in regards to the things I struggle with... if something is hard to do and I need to do it then

Do the hard thing! Just do it, make it happen make the breakthrough!

So come on JUST DO IT!!!

~Cam Richmond~

ME :)

Happy Happy Bithday Mom :)

Happy Birthday Mommy. One more year and you’ll get the discount card you’ve wanted heehee :D  

I know we’ve had our differences; our mother-daughter relationship isn’t perfect and we’ve had gone through a lot. And I know there were those times that you were so mad at me because I was too stubborn. I know there were times you think I don’t appreciate the things you’ve done for me. And that I wasn’t sorry for all the heartache I’ve caused you. But I am. I am very much thankful for all those things that you’ve done not only for me but for Angela as well.  And I deeply regret some of the wrong decisions that I have made.   I am very sorry for all the heartache and disappointments that I have caused you.  I just can’t seem to say those words in person. Maybe because I feel that there aren’t enough. But don’t every think I am not sorry.

With all of the things that had happened this past few years. I was asking myself, if those didn’t happen would our relationship be any different? Would we be any closer to each other? Or would the distance remain the same. Because right now, I can feel that we are closer. I can still remember the first time I’ve heard you said the words “I love you” to me, that was May 18, 2009. It was mother’s day and I was so broken hearted that day and you called from Singapore to find out how I was doing. I was so happy that day even if my heart was broken into pieces. But then I did something you didn’t approve of. And our relationship was more strained than ever. I know I have to wait for you to forgive me again. It took time. I can’t say I blame you. Then once again I got heartbroken and once again you were there for me. Though our relationship is still strained, but little by little it was getting better.  And despite all the trouble and heartache I have given you, you never stop giving.  And when you had to go to Angola to be with daddy, that’s when our relationship has gotten better.  Little by little. That’s when we started saying “I love you” to each other. And when you got back from Angola, that when I felt the closeness. Though I know we still have a lot to work on. And our new closeness is still fragile. But I am very hopeful that in time we will have the mother-daughter relationship that I have always dreamed of.

I used to envy my friends because of the closeness that they have with their mothers because we were never that close. 

I know someday we would get there.

And you’ve always asked us, your children who will do the same thing that you have done for Lola. Like bring her to the mall every Sunday. I would do that for you, Mom. I would bring you to the mall each Sunday and even change your diaper and give you a bath. ^_^

I may not show it, but I love you Mom, I am Blessed to you have you for a mother. Thank you for everything.

Realization

Right know I am more aware of my flaws. Noticed its plural? Well it’s because I have two. *chin rolling her eyes* Yes, not just one but two. The first one is I am too impulsive. *shaking my head* Always been impulsive but I wasn’t aware of it before. Not like I am now. *sigh* and it has always landed me into trouble. And some of those are irreparable. And I don’t have a choice but to live with the consequences of those actions. Second is I’m too impatient. If there are some things I needed to know, I just got to know the answers right away. I can’t wait. Hence, it would land me in trouble once again.

I have to learn to control those flaws of mine. I’m constantly reminding myself. That if there are some things I needed to know or do, I have to think about it carefully. Look at it in all angles, and not to just jump into it. And it’s not easy controlling one’s emotions, it’s tough, but one has to do it. I have to do it.

And that is why I have created this blog. I am discovering thing I never knew about myself. It’s like being reborn. I am now more aware of my capabilities and my strength, especially my flaws and weakness...

Looking forward to Life. :)

Sanguine….

Ever since I wrote my first entry, I’ve never felt this free. And right now, I am looking forward to everything. Oh I’ve experienced the disappointment I was dreading, but it’s not painful. Just the opposite, I guess it’s because I have set myself free. Free from the unknown, no more being in limbo and free from expectation. Though I was sadden with answer but I guess I was already expecting it.

And right now I am concentrating more of “ME”. Some people might perceive it as too vain or too selfish. But I don’t see it that way, I am getting to know more about myself. Like the saying goes “Love yourself, for if you don't, how can you expect anybody else to love you?".

With this I have to think things through, with every decision I have to make in my life. I have to make sure I am not selling myself short or settling for something less than what I deserve. I guess I am at that age that I just got tired of playing by someone else’s rule. Like in the song “Defying Gravity” from the Broadway show, Wicked.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

That part of the song sums up what I am feeling right now, and to trust God not just my instinct. Oh, and not to leap this time, been doing that for ages.

And so we come as to how I chose the title of this entry, “Sanguine” it means cheerfully optimistic, hopeful, or confident. And that’s what I am feeling right now. I am looking forward to my future. It’s like I know something wonderful is about to happen. God doesn’t want to reveal it to me yet. He’s teaching me a lesson, a lesson on how to overcome my flaws.

Can’t wait, and for the first time I am so excited of the unknown.

Life...

I just found out this afternoon that a girlfriend of a former colleague has committed suicide last year, and it all happened few days or a week before Valentine’s Day.

When I started reading her wall, my tears started to fall. This was the first time I’ve known someone who took their own life because she had her heart broken. From the messages that was posted on the wall by her friends and family. She was a good mother and a great friend. I have only known her for a few months. And she looks like someone who was strong enough. But I guess, she just couldn’t take it anymore and felt she had to end it.

In my previous entry I said something about burning some bridges. That colleague of mine was one of them. I didn’t have any happy memories in that company and I felt that we weren’t really friends, just colleagues. I was thinking of renewing, whatever we had…which I am not sure, because I know I can’t consider him as a friend. I was thinking of sending him a message and adding him as a friend, but I stopped myself. I don’t think it’s time to rebuild some of those bridges, so for now, it lay untouched.  For how long? I do not know, maybe forever. 

Reflections

My thoughts had kept me wide awake most of the night. For the past 24 hours, I’ve done nothing but think. Thinking of the things that could have been and what may come. I really don’t know what triggered this “reflection” in me. I’m constantly at war with myself, and its taking its toll on me. And for the first time I feel my age. I’ve asked myself, “What brought this on?”

It might be because, people I know are dying. In the past couple of months two people I’ve known had passed on and one of them is a very dear friend of mine. People’s comments are they are just too young. And that made me realize my own mortality. I have often told people I know that I don’t want to ask myself the question years from now, “what if?”

I have made a lot of wrong decisions in my life, and these aren’t just about love or family but also about my career.

Some bridges that I have burned, and now I ask myself was I wrong to cut ties with those people? Or should I have maintained some level of connection throughout the years. Can one repair a broken bridge? Like those bridges that have been left to fall to pieces as time passes by. Should I even try to repair them? Or do I just leave things as they are?

With all these thoughts running through my head, I came up with my decision. I have decided not to waste time. What’s the worst that could happen? I get turned down? I get my heart broken once again? So what if I get my heart broken once again, I can always pick up the pieces. I have done so in the past and I can do it again. We only live once. So why waste time procrastinating.

I know I would never stop asking myself the same question over and over. No matter what choice I make, I know I would still be asking myself “What if”. Because when a person is faced with a decision, there is always that nagging feeling inside of you. That feeling that would question your decision. And we can only choose one, Life is not like one of those books that let you decide what happens to the character and if you did not like the outcome you can always go back and choose the other option. I wish life was like that, but it isn’t. We get to only choose one. We just hope and pray that the choice you made is the right one.

With the death of a friend, I am more aware that time is too precious to waste. That anything is possible, that in a snap of a finger things can change, a life can be taken away. Those changes might make us happier or leave us in pain. But we will never know, will we, unless we try. Unless we take that step. For some it would be a huge step because it might mean fighting the odds or leaving their comfort zones. For me, I’m up for it. Though one can never be ready for disappointments, no matter how you try to prepare yourself. But I have to try. And beside I believe in Karma. What goes around comes around.

So, I’ll be taking that step, and leave everything else to God.

What if…

My life has been plague with “What if”. As tears falls, I kept asking myself…”what if I saw that last status that he made? Would things turned out differently? Would I bug him to go see a doctor? Would he still be alive today? I guess I would never know, would I? I’ve been putting off seeing him, thinking that I would have the time in the world. But how wrong I was, no matter how many times I've asked myself “what if?” thing wouldn’t change. What happened has already happened. He’s gone and I cannot see him again. Hear his voice. Feel his presence. And as they say, regret always happens at the end.

And while I am mad at myself for not taking the time to get in touch with a dear before it was too late. I’m annoyed with myself for telling myself that years from now, I wouldn’t want to ask myself that question and so I kept giving chances to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Thinking that it would be different that 2nd time around. Boy was I wrong. Right now I cannot say I’ve made the right decision. Would I have been happier if I didn’t give him a second chance? Or would I keep asking myself what if?

And then I read the other day on one of those Quotation Pages, it said “Tell that one person that you like them, what's the worst that can happen? He doesn't like you back? So? Laugh & move on or he may fall in love with your confidence? “

The way I see it that’s not the worse that can happen. My fear is that He would pretend to like you too and be taken for a ride. I guess that the jaded side of me talking. So when you like someone, do you tell the person? Or do you just wait for that person to realize they like you too? But what if both of you are just waiting on each other? What then? How long do you wait? What if no one has the courage to say something? Do you go on waiting?

Life use to be so simple. Now everything is so complicated.

When a girl makes the first move, there is that dread that others would see her as easy. And I am not the type of gal who would just wait on the sideline. If I want something I go for it. And people mistake that for something else. It is sad really, because society dictates what we should do. So you start to doubt yourself. You feel torn, who do you follow? Do you follow what you feel? Or you follow what society deemed as right? Or do you just flip a coin in the air? So many questions and no one seems to know the answer. And it makes you afraid because you don’t know what to do. You don’t know what choice to make because in the end whatever you choose you would always have that one question….

WHAT IF….

Random thoughts about Love and Myself…

It seems that a lot of people I know are either breaking up or getting separated. Or currently having problems in their relationships. I know I've been burned twice and in some ways it made me cynical. Cynical but still gullible (if there is such a person, I guess it would be me)

Though right now God is not giving any signs of who that person might be, no matter how much I bug him with my question. God is telling me to wait, but because my greatest flaw is being impatient, I cannot wait. I just have to know. I even asked God if I would get to meet him before the year ends, or if I have already met him. Still, he won’t tell me. I just hope I don’t fall again for the wrong guy once more and hopefully I don’t misunderstand his signs once again, like what happened the last time.

I want what my grandparents had and what my parents have. My grandparents were married for 54 years. Though it aint perfect, there were times they would fight. (But there is no perfect marriage.) I even remember the time when my grandmother walked out on us. I don’t remember what the reason behind it. I was just 5 years old, I think. My grandfather had to go and woo her to come back home, and the excuse he used was Me. LoL. He said that there wouldn’t be anyone who would look after me while he goes out and earn a living. :) I had a feeling that my grandmother just wanted my grandfather to woo her.

My grandfather would sometime tease my grandmother and would try to tickle her and my Lola (it means grandmother in Filipino) would slap my Lolo’s (grandfather) hand away at the same time scolding at my Lolo “Stop it Joe”. That’s what he calls my Lolo “Joe”; I’ve asked her about that because that’s not my Lolo’s nickname. My Lolo’s nick was Ando it was short for Felizardo. My Lola would call my Lolo “Joe” and she said it’s her endearment for my Lolo, like dear or Hon for other people.

My parents have the same kind of relationship. Whenever I would see them teases each other. It makes me smile and wish that when I get married I would I have the same closeness that they have. When Dad would tease Mom, my Mom would smile and give my father a playful slap on his arm or shoulder while saying “oh, Daddy” and Dad would respond “hehehe”.

Again it’s not perfect but no marriage is or relationship is for that matter. Everyday couples have to work hard to make it work.

But I’m still thankful for what had happened to me for the past several years. Those experiences have thought me a lot. It made me stronger. And it made me closer to my Mom. As they say, everything happens for a reason. No matter how down I was, or when I felt I was all alone. Those years are the darkest years of my Life. I guess that’s when I hit rock bottom. But despite that my Faith with God has never wavered.

I’m thankful every day for all the Blessing I receive like my job, my health, my daughter, my family and friends.

Even just catching the bus on time, I would send a prayer of thanks. :)