Just breathe….

What is wrong with me? I thought I was over this. But how come I am still so affected. Is this just my ego reacting? Or is this more than that? I hate this relapse, I seem to have one in a while. I wish memories are like computer hard drives wherein I can do a reformat. Delete everything that would remind me of Him. I saw this one episode on House MD, wherein the guy was so in-love with this woman but the woman was in-love with the guy’s brother, and every time the guy would see the woman he would have a heart attack. He was literally dying of a broken heart. So what he did was he had an operation to totally remove the woman from his memories, but the downside is he won’t be able to remember a lot of things that had happened to his life. But it was something he was willing to risk.

What pisses me off what, there I was minding my own business. I was happy being single. Happy with the way things are happening on both my personal life and career. When suddenly he came in to my life. He started being sweet on me, started flirting. He made me fall in love with him. But he doesn’t feel the same way. I guess I was just a diversion for him. As someone take his mind off the pain he was feeling, the loneliness. 

I should be over Him as it been months. But for some reason there is still some left over feeling that had stayed buried and now they are trying to resurface.

A friend of mine said to me, reason why I am being affected like this was because I still feel something for him and I am trying to fool myself in believing I was over him. I guess he was right. I need to accept the fact that it’s not just my ego that has been bruised with the ordeal, and why I am like this, but it’s because I still feel something for him.

Right now I have to figure out on how I can totally forget…I wish it was that easy…but for me, getting over someone is not a easy feet. I always struggle. And right now I am at war with myself…in this war I have to be the one that comes out as the winner.

Retreat for now so I can regroup…..and soon….We will know….this has to end soon…