Dishearten....

So we come to this? Do I burn the bridge? I bet you wouldn’t even notice. But at this point, I think what I should do is what’s best for ME. No apology from you, I guess I was wrong about then. Well, it aint the first time I was wrong about a person. And sad to say people just keeps on disappointing me right now. I guess I was spoiled by my friends, that they are the ones who make an effort to patch things up. And I guess it was wrong for me to expect the same thing from you. I can feel reality laughing at me right now. Reality reminded me that we aren’t really friends but colleagues. Yes, I just realized that now, you were never my friend, it was just me deluding myself into thinking we were. There were so many things that I turned blind eye on. So many things that was telling but I just ignored it. And so yeah “Reality” is enjoying her moment right now, laughing so hard that tears are running down her cheeks. I shouldn’t feel this bad, as you were not the first person to disappoint me. But how come I feel like crying. Honestly I am so hurt right now, its like being punch in the gut that leaves one reeling. People would say, its okay, let him be, but I’m not that kind of a person. I want to scream at you, shout at you, hit you because you were the last person I expected to be disappointed with.

I wonder when will I learn. I should be an expert right now in this type of thing. I should be more wary of people instead of giving my absolute trust. Yes, I can say in some ways I’m already cynical, but I guess not enough. Because I was still caught of guard. I’m more disappointed in myself, I’m more pissed off at myself for letting you get close to me.

“When will you learn?” I asked myself… “Don’t you think its enough? Why do you still let people get close to you?

I think these are those times when I just like to work from home. It would mean you wouldn’t meet new people, hence less disappointments and the chances of one getting hurt are very slim, almost zero.

I think its time for me to start building walls around myself.

Right now, with this pain…I just want to shut down…I’m suddenly very tired….everything is taking its toll on me… I never thought I would feel this pain again….last time I felt it was last year and around the same month…

I just want to rest…disappear for a while…only for a while…until I am fully healed….

I know I shouldn’t have come to work today…I should have listened to my inner self….