What if…

My life has been plague with “What if”. As tears falls, I kept asking myself…”what if I saw that last status that he made? Would things turned out differently? Would I bug him to go see a doctor? Would he still be alive today? I guess I would never know, would I? I’ve been putting off seeing him, thinking that I would have the time in the world. But how wrong I was, no matter how many times I've asked myself “what if?” thing wouldn’t change. What happened has already happened. He’s gone and I cannot see him again. Hear his voice. Feel his presence. And as they say, regret always happens at the end.

And while I am mad at myself for not taking the time to get in touch with a dear before it was too late. I’m annoyed with myself for telling myself that years from now, I wouldn’t want to ask myself that question and so I kept giving chances to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Thinking that it would be different that 2nd time around. Boy was I wrong. Right now I cannot say I’ve made the right decision. Would I have been happier if I didn’t give him a second chance? Or would I keep asking myself what if?

And then I read the other day on one of those Quotation Pages, it said “Tell that one person that you like them, what's the worst that can happen? He doesn't like you back? So? Laugh & move on or he may fall in love with your confidence? “

The way I see it that’s not the worse that can happen. My fear is that He would pretend to like you too and be taken for a ride. I guess that the jaded side of me talking. So when you like someone, do you tell the person? Or do you just wait for that person to realize they like you too? But what if both of you are just waiting on each other? What then? How long do you wait? What if no one has the courage to say something? Do you go on waiting?

Life use to be so simple. Now everything is so complicated.

When a girl makes the first move, there is that dread that others would see her as easy. And I am not the type of gal who would just wait on the sideline. If I want something I go for it. And people mistake that for something else. It is sad really, because society dictates what we should do. So you start to doubt yourself. You feel torn, who do you follow? Do you follow what you feel? Or you follow what society deemed as right? Or do you just flip a coin in the air? So many questions and no one seems to know the answer. And it makes you afraid because you don’t know what to do. You don’t know what choice to make because in the end whatever you choose you would always have that one question….

WHAT IF….