Sanguine….

Ever since I wrote my first entry, I’ve never felt this free. And right now, I am looking forward to everything. Oh I’ve experienced the disappointment I was dreading, but it’s not painful. Just the opposite, I guess it’s because I have set myself free. Free from the unknown, no more being in limbo and free from expectation. Though I was sadden with answer but I guess I was already expecting it.

And right now I am concentrating more of “ME”. Some people might perceive it as too vain or too selfish. But I don’t see it that way, I am getting to know more about myself. Like the saying goes “Love yourself, for if you don't, how can you expect anybody else to love you?".

With this I have to think things through, with every decision I have to make in my life. I have to make sure I am not selling myself short or settling for something less than what I deserve. I guess I am at that age that I just got tired of playing by someone else’s rule. Like in the song “Defying Gravity” from the Broadway show, Wicked.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

That part of the song sums up what I am feeling right now, and to trust God not just my instinct. Oh, and not to leap this time, been doing that for ages.

And so we come as to how I chose the title of this entry, “Sanguine” it means cheerfully optimistic, hopeful, or confident. And that’s what I am feeling right now. I am looking forward to my future. It’s like I know something wonderful is about to happen. God doesn’t want to reveal it to me yet. He’s teaching me a lesson, a lesson on how to overcome my flaws.

Can’t wait, and for the first time I am so excited of the unknown.